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hella real jewish ritual

this page contains all past weekly readings

exodus 19:3-5

exodus 19:13-15

exodus 20:1-14

Moses, Allah, God, Elohim; Leviticus is the goal of Jehovah And from the mountain, they told Moses, Say this to the house that will follow And say it also to those who don't follow in Israel: You have seen what I did to Egypt, I scored a free flight for you on Eagle Airlines, And brought you to me.

And now, if you hear yourself Hear me in my own voice, If you follow the deal, You shall be my most purple people of all the peoples

Cause I own the entire land

Can't touch this! That’s word because you know He's going to be hammered, go hammered, MC Hammered, yo hammered If he's a beast, bust a few moves, if he’s a man, look in my eyes, man, you can’t touch this. If you stall the Jubilee, They will climb the mountain. So moses is coming down from the mountain Unto the people; And he sanctified the people; So they went to do their laundry, But only the dresses. Only the dresses? Come on, He said to the people, Set the correct cycle settings for three days: Don't approach Wonder Woman.

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this reading is a special one for shavuot and comes from exodus

with chanting from the brilliant noa bar, sax and sounds from the talented edan mor and translations by the great eran hadas

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this reading comes from numbers 4-7

with audio processing by the inimitable sam genovese

then the one that is spoke to moses for this purpose: “call together the people who wrestle with what is so they can send away from the community every hatespeaker and every sexoffender and every bloodshedder: you’ll send them away male or female––you’ll send them out of town so they don’t contaminate their communities inside which i live” so the powergrappling people did exactly that and sent them to from out the camp the same thing that what is spoke to moses that’s what the israelites did

numbers 5:1-4

 

what is spoke to waterpuller to get this done: “speak to theoboss’s children and tell them that when a messenger of any gender reaches beyond themselves, to vow a vow of separation to dedicate a time to what is, then they will keep away from desire and intoxication, they won’t drink any wine vinegar or grain vinegar, they won’t drink any grape juice and won’t eat any fresh or dried grapes. throughout their time away, from seeds all the way to juice, they won’t eat anything made of the desire plant”

numbers 6:1-4

tell aaron and his sons: “in this way you will bring power to the people who struggle with Power, by willing this towards them: ‘what is manifests you and guards you: what is radiates its surfaces toward you and reveals hidden wisdom to you: what is raises it’s face toward you and sets aside wholeness for you:’ this way they will address my therename over israel’s children and i will empower them”

numbers 6:23-27

so miriam was talking shit about moses (and aaron was basically agreeing with her) all about the ethiopian woman he married, all like “did he really marry that nxxxxx?” and they were both like “does jehovah only ever give orders to moses? doesn’t he also give orders to us?” and jehovah heard it (btw this messenger moses––he’s super humble, more than any dirtball on the face of this bloodsoaked earth) all of a sudden jehovah is like “moses. aaron. miriam. come out to the meeting room the three of you.” so the three of them come out and jehovah comes down with a fogpost, stops right at the meeting room door, and calls out aaron and miriam on their racism and they both come out

numbers 12:1-5

saying “please pay attention to what i’m saying: with any of your prophets––when they’re with jehovah––i show myself to them through the mirror, talk to them in the dream. but my guy moses is different. my whole crew trusts him. i talk to him mouth to mouth, clear info––no filters. he sees me so well that he knows he can’t see me. and for some reason, you’re not scared to talk shit about my guy moses?!” jehovah let out the rage and took off

when the fog lifted over the room, miriam was all flaked up like snow, and aaron turns around to her and sees that she’s crumbling so aaron begs moses like “dude, i––please don’t punish us for all the stupid racist shit we said––don’t let miriam be like a dead body come out of it’s mother’s womb with half its flesh eaten up.” so moses yelled to jehovah “omg please make her better––please!”

numbers 12:6-13

so jehovah said to moses “if her daddy blew spit in her face wouldn’t she be shamed for seven days? she should be quarantined out of town for seven days, and then be collected.” so miriam stayed closed up out of town for seven days, and the people did not travel until miriam’s recollection

numbers 12:14-16

this reading comes from numbers 8-12

they got high and explored physicality from dry emptiness through expansion all the way to penetrating sunheat

they rose higher into dryness but one of them went as far as the burial ground where the giant mountainbelly, marblefoot and craterstepper were necklacing the sun, and this cemetery was seven times bigger than zoan in the doublenarrows

they deepened as far as the bundlestream where they cropped some vines and a single truthcluster that required two people and a techplatform to even remember + tart cosmic commands + sweet utopian visions

numbers 13:21-23

“and now, my foundational force, please give generously for the same purpose you’ve already drilled in: ‘the one who is superpatient and overflowing with love, who forgives crimes and injustices but does not forget or clean them out, who remembers the crimes of the founding fathers over their descendants for three and four generations––' please forgive the iniquities of this nation as generously as your love allows, the same way you carried this nation through from slavery all the way to this” and the one that is said “i forgive––only to match your argument”

numbers 14:17-20

it will keep poking you until you understand it and eternalize the totality of cosmic laws and apply them in practice so you stop fraying yourselves by yielding to your greeds and to your lusts which you follow into corruption

it’ll move you towards enshrining and practicing the wholeness of my callings until you become enflamed towards what’s beyond you

i that am beyond you, same one who pulled you out of earthly confinement to be your transcendence––i am out there for you

numbers 15:39-41

this reading comes from numbers 13:1-15:41 sid chen did the chanting and bill baird made the videos

this reading comes from numbers 16:1-18:32

aaron took everything moses told him to take and dashed into the crowd as the damage already started in the people so he offered the incense and covered over the people

as he meditated among both the living and the dead the epidemic was stopped

the death toll in the epidemic was 14,700 in addition to the deaths caused by the korah affair

then aaron winded towards moses to the shelter building door and the epidemic was stopped

numbers 17:12-15

moses placed the rods towards the face of what is in the golden shelter

the next day moses entered the truthspace and found aaron’s rod of the levite household blooming–– it had put out flowers, sprouted leaves and was yielding high level scholarship

so moses brought out all the rods from the face of what is towards all the theoconflicted children and they finally got it and committed each to their own roles

numbers 17:22-24

then the one that is or isn’t said to aaron: “you, your progeny and your father’s line will be accountable for the temple’s inequities, and you and your children will be bear the shadow inversions of your preisthood. also advance your relatives––the rod of levi, your father’s tribe––together with yourself, and they’ll accompany you and help you out, you and your children to the golden shelter surfaces. they will hold space for you personally and for the whole shelter, except they won’t come near the fire containers or the altar so neither you nor they die.”numbers 18:1-3

leviticus 25:1-4

leviticus 26:11-13

leviticus 27:33-34

the singular spoke to signpusher on a high desert wavelength for this purpose: message this to theoboss’ buildlings: when you dip into the materiality i give you then that earth will cycle by the sevenfold cycle of what is sow your field six repetitions sing off your vineyard six versions and threshold its bringing in the seventh phase all matter will be stiller than still a stillness toward the absolute you will not seed your territory and not cut your grapevines

i’ll place my duration inside you so my likings don’t get disgusted with you that way i’ll be unfolding in your inside and become both for you and beyond you so you all get together towards me the only i that is outside of you is me who pulled you from the doubleclenching concrete from being their slaves me who is cracking your burdenrods and parading you proudly

every tenth of your money and food all of what’s on those spreadsheets the tenth will burn for what is no matter if it’s a nice one or a shitty one you can’t exchange it and if you go ahead and exchange it anyway then both the item and it’s exchange value will burn it can’t be saved these terms of service are given by what is to signpusher for theowrestler’s progeny in firelight heights

leviticus 25-28 chanted by the magical amy foote with audio processing by the audacious ben zucker

three short sections from leviticus 23 with modular synth sounds from itai asseo and translations by ava sayaka rosen

speak for me when you say: stay home from work

make an occasion for us

the seventh day is a sabbath, a palace in time to dwell in whether at home or in exile. These sacred occasions are fixed, except when time leaps, except when slipping between two new moons

leviticus 23:2-4

make me an offering: build me a fragrant fire, make me dinner, pour me a bit of wine – a libation. The grapevine, the barley of the earth, are offerings to you from this land that is your inheritance

count these sheafs every day for seven weeks, in mourning or in celebration

pinkie promise you will love me forever

leviticus 23:13-15

harvest: etrog fruits from the hadar tree, palm branches, leafy boughs, willows of the brook. For seven days in the seventh month, every year for the seventh generation, celebrate in the temple of the earth, dwell in her shady hut.

leviticus 23:40-42

three short sections from leviticus 16 17 and 20 with translations by the indelible tal yuval mor

the airborne surrounded the water-drawn one in loud wind: tell your high mountain kin not to cross into the room which faces my face, but to root in the face which faces the face which faces my face, or else collapse. i make myself known in the embers’ most enduring longings // the high mountain kin are to root in said face with a salubrious winged appetizer and an erect legged main course, from this we shall be opened // once fully steamed, adorned with distilled clouds from temple to toe, and with frozen cream secured upon the head, their flesh shall retrieve its esteem

and thus i pattern those with sky-impassioned spines: no one of you, not even you who are sometimes them, shall pursue those urges concerning the blood bucket // and if any one with a sky-impassioned spine or any you-them in their perimeter deadens an erect winged or a salubrious legged for feast, they shall give its liquid breath a respectful funeral underfoot // blood is the breath of all flesh, and so i pattern those with sky-impassioned spines: you shall not bring another’s blood to your blood, for blood is the breath of all flesh, and anyone who conducts such a merging will be canceled

and you will parse the circle of blooded and fleshed, and make halves between erect and wilted, salubrious winged and filthy legged, and when hungry you will not pollute by wilted or filthy legged or by any other misaligned hearted and veined which i here breathe, and have trained you to walk amidst free of pointed object grips // and you will be always newborn to me for i am soft skinned newborn embrace, and i have made halves in all the nurseries to make you my only, to be my own. // and any firegut or waterspine or earthhead who merrily vessels a belated returner or a not passing shadow shall be dropped from my arms and immersed in tiny pebbles and night terrors will forever unend them

leviticus 16:2-4

leviticus 17:12-14

leviticus 20:25-27

this reading comes from the very beginning of numbers, 1:1-4:20

the magnificent adria otte contributed sounds, and the delightful (and courageous) daniel pearce contributed english translations

they [aaron and his sons] must put down a layer of thick skin over the curtain, then place atop this a cloth of deep blue, then hammer the poles into placeAcross the table they must drape a cloth of blue, then place atop it the plates, the cups, the spoons, the bowls, the breadover this they must draw a cloth of deep red, then over this a layer of thick skin; they must then hammer the poles into place

they must draw a cloth of deep blue over the lampstand, over its lamps, its snuffers, its fire pans, its jars of oilthey must then draw a layer of thick skin across this and place it all on a carrying frame they must draw a cloth of blue over the golden altar, then cover this with a layer of thick skin; they must then hammer the poles into place

they must take the instruments of service[—the instruments with which the service in the sanctuary is performed—]and place them into a cloth of blue, then cover this with a layer of thick skin and place it all on a carrying framethey must remove the ashes from the altar and draw a cloth of purple across itupon this they must place the instruments that are used in its service: the fire pans, the hooks, the scrapers, the basins—all the instruments of the altar—and over this they must drape a layer of thick skin; they must then hammer the poles into place

numbers 4:12-14

numbers 4:9-11

numbers 4:6-8

this reading comes from the very beginning of numbers, 1:1-4:20

the magnificent adria otte contributed sounds, and the delightful (and courageous) daniel pearce contributed english translations

numbers 4:6-8

they must draw a cloth of deep blue over the lampstand, over its lamps, its snuffers, its fire pans, its jars of oilthey must then draw a layer of thick skin across this and place it all on a carrying frame they must draw a cloth of blue over the golden altar, then cover this with a layer of thick skin; they must then hammer the poles into place

numbers 4:9-11

leviticus 27:33-34

every tenth of your money and food all of what’s on those spreadsheets the tenth will burn for what is no matter if it’s a nice one or a shitty one you can’t exchange it and if you go ahead and exchange it anyway then both the item and it’s exchange value will burn it can’t be saved these terms of service are given by what is to signpusher for theowrestler’s progeny in firelight heights

this reading is from leviticus 25-28

chanted by the magical amy foote with audio processing by the audacious ben zucker